i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
