you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
