in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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