He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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