You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
