I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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