just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
