Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
