Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
