I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
