So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
