if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
