I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
