4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
