No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
