It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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