That's when you crack a 10am beer
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
