he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
