If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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