Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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