community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
