Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
