If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
