the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
