Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
