How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
