Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
