I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
