sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
