dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just had sex bonerless
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
