I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
