I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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