i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
