I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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