Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
