your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
