we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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