I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think your dad took our porno
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
