I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
