I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
