Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
