omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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