By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
