margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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