it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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