Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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