Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
