Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
