At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
