The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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