I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Houston, we have a squirter
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
