seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
